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BREAKING: Johnny Depp Arrested By Mystery Administration

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Johnny Depp committed a major error when he undermined to kill President Trump. His little stand-up schedule, that wasn't interesting, has now landed him in the back of a dark SUV while in transit to a government holding office for addressing.

Specialist Bounce Argueta was woofing orders at other individuals at the scene before we lured him with jerky to give us an announcement. Skip Tetheluda, whose jerky has landed more than a couple of restrictive meetings, says Argueta was advised to take Depp profound and dull into the night, ensure they weren't taken after and bring him for cutting edge cross examination. He reacted to affirmations that this takes a joke by a performing artist much too far:

"Individuals simply accept he was joking. What they don't know is that Depp really had maps and timetables and arrangements to kill President Trump on the off chance that he at any point went by Harmony, New Hampshire once more, which he unquestionably would amid the 2020 general race season.

Depp is a risky criminal. A portion of the substance on his PC show he may have been radicalized while he was contemplating in Muslim waters for his Commander Jack Sparrow part."

There you have it. On the off chance that they discovered Depp was a Muslim change over with arrangements to kill the President he may never observe the light of day again. It's hard to think about our most loved on-screen characters accordingly awful individuals at times, yet Hollywood is recently loaded with tree-embracing, grandiose, Prius driving oddities.

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BREAKING: Michelle Obama Pregnant…And Here’s The Father!

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Michelle Obama is leaving Barack to write her book and move on with her life. Close friends of the family say she’s taking Sasha and leaving the DC mansion to go back to Chicago.

Eight years of being tied to a traitor who hates America has taken its toll. Not only that, but the former first lady is also very proud to announce that she’ll be having another baby this winter…with former White House Social Secretary James MacTaggart:

A former White House aide says that Michelle and James were seeing each other as long ago as 2010 when Michelle realized her husband wasn’t the man she married:

“Barack Obama is an obviously gay man who hates America and embraces Islam.

They just weren’t compatible. Jaames was there in a difficult time.” The Obamas divorce is said to be amicable. Barack has agreed to allow Michelle to finish raising Sasha and Malia is an adult on her way to Harvard.

MacTaggart wasn’t available for comment.

This Post Is Satire, sorry haha...

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President Trump Just Contacted The FBI And Immediately Makes MASSIVE Announcement

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TRUMP ISN’T PLAYING GAMES ANYMORE! Ever since Trump took office he has been betrayed by sneaky rats within the government who have been leaking classified information in an attempt to ruin him. Trump blamed the FBI directly:

“THE FBI IS TOTALLY UNABLE TO STOP THE NATIONAL SECURITY ‘LEAKERS’ THAT HAVE PERMEATED OUR GOVERNMENT FOR A LONG TIME,”

Up until this point, those discharging the information haven’t been found, some are despite conjecturing that the FBI is a bit of the issue. TRUMP JUST TOOK TO TWITTER TO DELIVER THIS ONE LAST WARNING TO THE FBI:

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President Trump KICKED OUT Every Muslim From the White House!

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President Trump had no real option except to flame one of them a month ago when he decided that Sharia Law was OK

if the respondent is Moslem and sensibly anticipated that would take after his confidence or face forever in hellfire.

You can constrain a Christian to pay for conception prevention for indigents and canal rats however you can’t request that a Moslem not beat his significant other? Sounds about right.

Today, President Trump unobtrusively finished the residency of the Moslem 14 — as they have named their little gathering of Allah admirers — with an official request wiping out their seats out and out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z33WYDm4NVk

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Lady Gaga’s Twitter Attack On Melania Trump Lands Her In Handcuffs When The Two Meet Face To Face

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After Melania Trump’s brilliant speech about cyberbullying went viral, leftist elites immediately began attacking her. It seems they consider her husband, the next President of the United States, to be a cyber bully himself because he likes to tell the truth on Twitter.

One of those leftists, Lady Gaga, Tweeted an insult at Mrs. Trump that probably deserved some kind of snarky, rude response, but the future First Lady has far too much class for that. She proved it yet again Sunday night when the two came face to face in New York City. Gaga, or GooGoo as she should be called, proved yet again that she has no class, shouting “whore” and “go back to YOUR country” at Melania from across a sidewalk being cleared by the Secret Service.

Mrs. Trump, class act that she is, simply smiled at the overrated pop star, which seemed to enrage the little ball of hate even more. Witnesses say that they saw GooGoo throw something at Mrs. Trump, which is where the Secret Service stepped in.

The New York Post tried to reach out to the NYPD after it was reported that GooGoo was taken away in a black Yukon in handcuffs, but as of yet there’s no record of an arrest. You can rest assured if this incident isn’t prosecuted by the corrupt liberals in the city government that the less-than-lady will be staring down the barrel of a multi-million dollar lawsuit.

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‘Black Lives Matter’ Thug Shot Dead After Throwing A Bottle At President Trump

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President Trump had a great rally Tuesday evening in Phoenix, Arizona. Once again, he gathered Americans of all races and creeds together to talk about making America great again.

While the majority showed up to have a peaceful celebration of American values, there are always a few bad eggs who try to stink everything up. In this case, one of the “bad eggs” – an African-American man wearing a “Hands up don’t shoot” t-shirt and sagging jeans – threw a full grape Fanta bottle at the President as he spoke to the crowd of 50,000.

The man, identified as Hakeem Phillips from New York City, was then tackled by multiple members of the crowd. Then, he tried to reach for a concealed weapon a member of the crowd had on him.

An eagle-eyed African-American Secret Service agent who was making her way to the President saw the attacker reaching for a gun and made a split-second decision to shoot him three times in the chest, killing him from more than 50 yards away. No one else was harmed thanks to her actions.

Phillips was a prominent figure at New York Black Lives Matter riots according to his Facebook, which has now been taken down. His final post criticized the President for being “an orange-ass clown mother[expletive deleted] who ain’t got no GAME.”

The deceased terrorist went on to say that he “got a present for that [expletive deleted].”

The secret Service is looking into if Phillips had accomplices or if he simply traveled hundreds of miles to attack the President.

A search of his vehicle turned up two semi-automatic handguns with the serial numbers filed off, the business card of a NAACP lawyer, and a large quantity of PCP.

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We’ll have more on this story as it develops.

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